And you thought the Russians handing him the election was a steal!
And you thought the Russians handing him the election was a steal!
Image: donald j. trump

If Black Friday riot videos weren’t enough to convince you that America is a consumerist hell on Earth, then our president’s Black Friday promo surely will.

Trump took to one of his two Facebook pages (while the GOP took to Twitter) to promote a sale on some of his campaign merchandise. Just throw some festive #MAGA swag into your cart, enter the code “SATIRE2017” at checkout and, bam! You’ve got yourself a bargain on our democracy. (Literally!)

Because, apparently, the best Black Friday deal this year is the cool 30 percent off POTUS is offering on the American soul.

Did you know Trump literally wrote the book on great deals?!

Did you know Trump literally wrote the book on great deals?!

이미지 : 페이스 북

Presumably as a way to give back to the 99 percent of people that his abhorrent tax “plan” (read: scheme) proposes to screws over, Trump’s slashing prices — as well as the American middle class! Just imagine, you could save $4 on this Americanism Creed Men’s Tee, emblazoned with POTUS’ promise that, “Americanism, not globalism, will be our credo.”

It only comes at the cost of the final, fragile vestiges of our free republic (and proper grammar).

But that’s not all! On Black Friday, POTUS kept busy with a supes “quick” round of golf with some celeb friends. Then it’s back to the On-Brand Office at Mar-a-Lago to discuss further deals that compromise our economy.

The Black Friday sale on Trump merch is actually one of the most blatantly honest celebrations of the capitalist shell we call American values from any president in our country’s history.

So be a patriot this holiday season. Place your right hand over your heart in salute to America, land of the free market, home of the brands.

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