Have you ever wondered why hallways didn’t have a certified diverse ecosystem of dignified data sentries diversifying your walls and floors in a decentralized manner on the blockchain? You’re damn right you have. Now there’s a solution.

Superior Hallway Intelligence Technology, founded before lunch today, is poised to disrupt more than just the distance between two rooms where you may choose to hang portraits (or motivational affirmations!). In fact, the co-founder and head custodian of Super Hallway Intelligence Technology, Sam Clemens, says:

So, I realized that, like, hallways weren’t on the blockchain. I was like W-T-F right? How the hell am I supposed to traverse a mitigated space without knowing for a fact that my cryptocurrency is decentralized on the damn blockchain. This hallway is bullshit and I won’t have it. That day I set out to create the first cryptocurrency token for secure hallway traversal in the digital age.

The company intends to hold it’s initial coin offering on May 17º 2003, and refuses to provide further details on the Superior Hallway Intelligence Technology (SHIT) token until time-travel methods have been sufficiently developed by other companies.

In other news: approximately eight ICOs for every person on Earth were announced while you were reading this.

Note: This isn’t a real thing. Also, stop sending us pitches for shitty ICOs.

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